Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Getting Giggly at Twilight

Ok, let's get this out of the way. I'm 30 years old and married. Basically, that means I'm old and out of touch. And yet I totally got all addicted to those damn "Twilight" books (well, at least the first 3 - the fourth and final one has been sitting on my nightstand for three months and I'm only 3 chapters in .... somehow it lost all its fire once I realized they were making a movie out of it. Angie and Madeline also had something to do with that once they started picking apart every paragraph in every book. I swear girls, logic doesn't belong in a vampire romance, okay, but bad writing does. Get over it, already.) and we finally saw the movie last night. What can I say? It was pretty good. In a somewhat campy, romantic way. The acting was awesome, but the writing ... well, maybe those girls were right to pick apart the book because the writing was pretty terrible. And it was straight outta the book. "I know what you are." "Say it. Say it out loud" "You're a vampire" "Are you scared." "No, I just met you, but I trust you." "Your blood is like my own personal heroin." "You're so beautiful" "I'll do anything to protect you." blah, blah, blah.

But let's be honest, I could barely contain the squealing teenage girl inside as we anxiously awaited the start of the movie surrounded by pre-teens, their moms and a few sad, sorry souls - men, dragged in, kicking and screaming, by their significant others. Ha ha, suckers. (Pardon the pun) Got me some serious bonus points by leaving the hubby at home. I got to swoon over vampires without him constantly telling me how pointless it is for teenage vampires to go to high school and he had the whole night to himself to play "Call of Duty 4" (ok, so hubby set me straight, it was actually "Call of Duty World at War," not "Call of Duty 4." my bad. so sorry. don't really care.)

So all those pre-teens. Yeah, they're a bunch of gigglers. All of them. And that was pretty great because there was so much to giggle at! Bella locking eyes with Edward across the cafeteria. Giggle, giggle. Edward holding his nose when Bella sits down next to him. Giggle, giggle. Edward running through the forest super fast, oooh, he's blurry now. Giggle, giggle. Oh, look, now he's exposing himself to the sun and whoa, what's that, he's kinda out of focus but I think he's supposed to be sparkling. What a stud!!! Giggle, giggle. Now look, they're up in a tree, way, way up, getting to know each other in yet another gooey relationship montage. (cue guy sitting behind us, obviously unable to sustain disbelief any longer, "no FUCKING way!") Flat-out laughter meets squeals and giggling. "Are you scared?" Heavy breathing and quivering lips. "I'm never scared of you." Quivering back. "Oh, you shouldn't have said that." Heavy breathing, quivering lips and sinister smile. "Better hold on little spider monkey" Cue running through trees in super-fast blur motion. Giggle, giggle (and yeah, that is a direct quote. honest, you can't make this crap up - well, ok, obviously you can, if you're a bored mormon housewife.)

But ... with all that said, it was pretty entertaining and they did manage to cut a 500-plus page book into two hours and it didn't feel like anything was missing (what does that say about the book? or my taste in books? I suppose I'd prefer not to think about that right now) And as both Ang and Mad said as we left the theater, at least it had a decent prom scene. No choreographed group dance-offs. No 30-year-old extras dressed like 15-year-old hussies. No pumping house music and flashing lights. Just Iron & Wine playing in the background and strands of white twinkling lights. Sure beat the hell out of my prom which took place in ... da da dum ... the food court of the Yuba-Sutter mall! Maybe being a teenage vampire isn't so bad after all.

4 comments:

amp said...

I think the measure of a good prom scene only involves one factor: Will you fantasize about your own prom being that cool/romantic/opulent/twinkly. And I have to say, I'd enjoy being a junior at Forks High School all decked out for a night in Monte Carlo. And a good prom scene is really all you need to make a movie rewatchable, I think.

NickCanDigIt said...

Wooo! Call of Duty 4! WOOOOO!

madewell said...

If Max is going to play Call of Duty 4 (and does he play this with a head piece that he uses to talk to other players that he doesn't know???) then I don't think he can judge!

Picwell said...

so it turns out he was actually playing "Call of Duty World at War" not "Call of Duty 4" because, "hello, COD4 is soooo 2008."

And yes, he does wear his little head thingy to talk to other players. Last night I got home just in time to hear, "fuck, get the tank, get the goddamn tank." So judge away ...